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alt.smokers.pipes FAQ
[Revised 3 September 2000]


OUTLINE

1.   GENERAL.

     1.1  Introduction.
     1.2  Posting Guidelines.
     1.3  What should I do when I see an "inappropriate" post?
     
2.   BEGINNING PIPE SMOKING.

     2.1  How should I select my first pipe?
     2.2  How should I select my first tobacco?
     2.3  How should I store my tobacco?
     2.4  How do I "break in" a pipe?
     2.5  How should I "pack" my pipe?
     2.6  How should I light my pipe?
     2.7  How do I keep my pipe lit?
     2.8  How should I clean my pipe?
     2.9  Why is my tongue "charred"?
     2.10 Why is my pipe "gurgling"?

3.   "ADVANCED" TOPICS.

     3.1  How should I ream my pipe?
     3.2  What can I do when my pipe "turns sour"?
     3.3  How can I fix a loose stem?
     3.4  What should I do with a stem that's too tight?
     3.5  How should I polish my stems?
     3.6  How should I care for my meerschaum?
     3.7  Why do people buy expensive pipes?
     3.8  Is pipe smoking bad for me?
     3.9  Should I store my pipe with a cleaner in the stem?
     3.10 How do I smoke "flake tobaccos"?
     3.11 Does tobacco improve with age?
     3.12 How many pipes do I need?
     3.13 Can I make my own pipes?

4.   PIPE RESOURCES ON THE 'NET.

5.   ACKNOWLEDGMENTS, ETC.

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1. GENERAL.

1.1 INTRODUCTION.

This is the alt.smokers.pipes Frequently Asked Questions document. Its purpose is to provide an introduction to the newsgroup and present some general information on the Fine Art of Pipe Smoking. Please keep in mind that pipe smoking is indeed an art and not a science. There is no "wrong" way to smoke a pipe, just as there is no single "right" way. You will not learn how to smoke a pipe by reading this FAQ, or by reading anything else for that matter. You can only learn to smoke a pipe by actually doing so. The suggestions here are just that; your mileage may vary. The key is to relax and enjoy yourself. If your technique works for you, then it's right! This FAQ will be posted biweekly to alt.smokers.pipes, and is archived at: http://lathem.home.mindspring.com/pipes/asp_faq.txt and on the Pipes Web Page at: http://www.pipes.org/asp_FAQ.html Suggestions for improvement are always welcome and should be directed to: marklathem@usa.net Requests for clarification or expansion of specific points should be posted to alt.smokers.pipes. You are to be congratulated, by the way, for reading the FAQ before asking your question.

1.2 POSTING GUIDELINES (AKA "Keeping our Newsgroup Clean").

You are welcome to post to alt.smokers.pipes; however, you should probably read the newsgroup for a while (a week or two, perhaps), just to get a feel for the newsgroup before posting your first article. If you're new to USENET, or to the Internet in general, you'll certainly want to take a look at the documents posted to the newsgroup "news.announce.newusers," and you might want to visit some of the sites listed below: AOL's Internet Development and Outreach Team's "netiquette" (Internet etiquette) guide: http://webmaster.info.aol.com/netiquette/usenet/ RFC1855, a comprehensive list of "Netiquette Guidelines": http://www.dtcc.edu/cs/rfc1855.html "Net Lingo" (commonly used terms on the Internet): http://www.netlingo.com/ Just about anything related to pipe smoking is welcome on alt.smokers.pipes. That includes, but is not limited to, discussions of the merits of specific pipes and pipe manufacturers, tobaccos, tobacco manufacturers and tobacco suppliers, pipe related esoterica, etc. We ask that posts be limited only to tobacco smoking. Other smoking substances have their own groups and venues and we would encourage you to go there to discuss them. Commercial advertising is not forbidden, but vendors are asked to exercise restraint. It is the majority opinion that brief, periodic (i.e. once or twice a month) notices from pipe and tobacco vendors who maintain a continuous presence on the 'Net are acceptable; such announcements should consist of a *brief* introduction and a URL where the reader may find additional information. It is also requested that "AD:" be included in the subject line, to designate the article as a commercial advertisement. Buy/sell/trade lists from private individuals are also acceptable, in moderation. NOTE: if you are in the practice of selling pipes on a continuous or semi-continuous basis, then you should consider yourself a commercial vendor and follow the appropriate guidelines, even if this is not your primary source of income. Advertisements for items up for auction on eBay, etc. are considered to be commercial, as well. Posts of an informative nature by individuals not directly connected to a commercial concern do not fall into the commercial category. This is a fairly liberal policy; please don't abuse it. Binary messages should not be posted to alt.smokers.pipes. (For those who don't know what this means, a "binary" is any file that is not plain ASCII and includes, but is not limited to, .gifs, .jpgs, .zip'd or otherwise compressed files, and word processor documents.) In fact, binary messages are not permitted in any discussion group unless specifically allowed by the charter. The members of a.s.p. have decided that binaries are not appropriate for this group. This decision was made after long debate and a public vote; please observe it. There is an "alt.binaries.*" hierarchy, and any binaries should be posted there. Unfortunately, the binary groups are not available from all ISPs. In that case the binary file should be placed at some web or ftp site. In any event, announcements such as "I've placed xxx at yyy, please take a look at it" are appropriate to post in alt.smokers.pipes. Please do not post articles in HTML format. Many people (myself included) choose not use HTML-capable newsreaders, and HTML tags make messages very difficult to read. Political discussions are tolerated on the group, so long as they relate directly to pipe smoking and pipe smoking issues. Just do your best to be reasonably polite to the opposition when discussing these emotionally-charged issues. Cross-posting to more than one group is a bad habit, although the consensus seems to be that this is not a breach of 'Net etiquette until the number of groups becomes too large (whatever that means). The problem is that follow-ups to that message are also posted to each group and huge snowballing flame wars erupt and rage interminably. These flame wars are of no interest to the thousands of people who read the victim groups. Before you post a response to a message, please check the headers to see if the original message was cross-posted. When following-up to a cross-posted message, always try to edit the header and post only to the group you actually read. Readers of the other groups will, sadly, miss your contributed wisdom. Finally, we take great pride in the fact that a.s.p. is one of the most civil USENET newsgroups. While intelligent debate is perfectly acceptable, flames and personal attacks are not. We're all human, and tempers will inevitably flare, but please think twice before posting a response in the heat of the moment. When in doubt, take it to e-mail.

1.3 WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN I SEE AN "INAPPROPRIATE" POST?

First, DO NOT POST A FOLLOW-UP TO THE GROUP. Let me say that one more time. DO NOT POST A FOLLOW-UP TO THE GROUP. This merely contributes to the problem. Examples of inappropriate posts and suggested responses are listed below. TROLLS. "Trolls" are messages from people who derive perverse pleasure from driving others to anger. Often, these people will make a brief, inflammatory statement and sit back to watch the sparks fly. How do you know if a message is a troll? If you think it might be, it probably is. RESPONSE: Ignore them completely. If you simply MUST respond, do it privately, via e-mail. WRONG GROUP. Occasionally someone will make an honest mistake and post a message to the wrong group. Most people don't take the time to read FAQs, so they may be ignorant of what is considered appropriate for a specific group. A "wrong group" post can also result from a response to a cross-posted message. RESPONSE: Send an e-mail politely directing them to the appropriate group. Some relevant examples are listed below: cigar smoking alt.smokers.cigars general smokers' issues alt.smokers non-smokers' issues alt.support.non-smokers quitting smoking alt.support.stop-smoking drugs (legal and otherwise) alt.drugs.* BINARIES. (See "posting guidelines" above.) RESPONSE: Politely ask the offender via e-mail not to do this, perhaps including a copy of the relevant portion of this FAQ. FREQUENT REQUESTS. These are not inappropriate per se, but they do increase traffic and are a burden for those who would like to help newcomers and others just looking for information. RESPONSE: Direct them to this FAQ or to one of the many sources of information available on the Internet. SPAMs. These are messages posted to a large number of groups, which the offender DOES NOT READ, often advertising a marginally legal method to "MAKE MONEY FAST." (Use of the word "SPAM" in this context, by the way, is derived from a Monty Python comedy skit.) The people who post these sorts of messages are the scum of the earth. USENET was designed on the "honor system," and some people have none. RESPONSE: IT IS POINTLESS TO REPLY to the message by posting to the newsgroup; the offender will never see your reply. If you want to reply privately by e-mail, that is your business. Be aware that many such messages have bogus return addresses so that you cannot reply. The best way to complain is to send e-mail to the postmaster at the offender's site. Again, because the sender's address may be bogus, you have to inspect the headers to see where it is really coming from. Even those headers may be forged. Copy the entire message, including all of the headers, and send it to the site's postmaster, with a brief introductory note. There are several newsgroups in the "news.admin.net-abuse.*" hierarchy for news of and comment on these abuses. Some other useful resources are listed below. Net Abuse FAQ: http://www.cybernothing.org/faqs/net-abuse-faq.html alt.spam FAQ (how to find the origin of a fake post or e-mail): http://digital.net/~gandalf/spamfaq.html TEST MESSAGES. Messages of the form "Test, don't read, please ignore" are not appropriate in any discussion group. The response to these should be the same as that for "wrong group" posts. If you need to test your newsreader, there is a group, alt.test, specifically for that purpose. In fact, many geographic domains maintain *.test newsgroups, and it is recommended that you use the one "closest" to you. NOTE: Many automatic mailers watch alt.test and will bombard you with copies of your test message. To avoid that, include the word "ignore" anywhere in your "Subject:" line. If you simply *MUST* post a message to a.s.p. to test your newsreader, then at least take the time to say something about pipes.

2. BEGINNING PIPE SMOKING.

2.1 HOW SHOULD I SELECT MY FIRST PIPE?

The short answer: "Pick one you like." If you need more guidance than that, keep reading. MATERIAL. For your first pipe, you'll probably want one made of briar. "Briar" is wood from the burl (that portion between the root and the trunk) of the white heath (Erica arborea), a small tree or bush that grows in the Mediterranean region. Briar is durable, heat- resistant, and pleasing in appearance. There are other materials-- such as clay, meerschaum, and porcelain--that are also used to make pipes, but these materials are fragile and lack the smoking characteristics and ease of use of briar. Corncob pipes are the least expensive option for a first pipe, and they are a viable alternative to briar; however, they often have very small bowls (the bowl is the part of the pipe that holds the tobacco) and brittle plastic stems (the part that you place in your mouth) that are quite easy to bite through. Most briar pipes have stems made of vulcanite (rubber) or lucite (acrylic); either material works fine, and stem material is purely a matter of personal choice. Vulcanite is softer, which many find more comfortable, but lucite is more durable and resists oxidation. PRICE. Pipes range in price from a couple of dollars to several thousand; it is recommended that you stay closer to the lower end of this range for your first pipe. By purchasing a moderately-priced pipe, you will not be out a large sum if you determine that pipe smoking isn't for you. A reasonably good quality "basket pipe" (so called because most tobacconists keep their lower-priced, "no-name" pipes in an open basket near the sales counter) can be had for as little as $15, and many "name brand" manufacturers produce pipes in the $35-60 range. You'll probably want to avoid very small pipes, as they tend to smoke hot, and very large ones, as they are often harder for a novice to keep lit and may hold too much tobacco for to comfortably finish initially. Do not purchase one of those pipes you may find in plastic bubble packaging at your local discount store if you can avoid it; instead, seek out a good tobacconist and ask for his or her recommendation. Not only will this give you a broader selection from which to choose, but the tobacconist is likely to have some good advice on how to get started. Don't be afraid to tell the shop owner that you're a novice. He or she will figure this out pretty quickly on their own anyway, and it is in their own best interest to help you select a pipe and tobacco that they think you'll enjoy. If you don't know where to find a reputable tobacconist, check the Pipes Digest Resource Guide at: http://www.pipes.org/resource_guide.html or ask the newsgroup for a recommendation. While you're buying the pipe, pick up a package of pipe cleaners (the soft, cotton ones are best for most purposes), and a cheap "pipe tool" or "tamper"; you'll need them. FILTERS. You should not be inhaling smoke, so a filter is, in the opinion of many, superfluous. One major drawback to most filtering systems is that they tend to affect the taste of the tobacco--for the worse--if not kept meticulously clean. With that said, in some parts of the world, particularly central Europe, pipe filters are quite common. I currently live in Germany, and many of the pipes sold here have a cavity in the shank (that part of the pipe that connects the bowl to the stem) designed to accomodate 9mm filters. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using a filter in your pipe. If you prefer filters, then by all means use them. Nevertheless, you don't need them. SHAPE. This is purely a matter of personal taste. Many pipe smokers prefer pipes that are bent, as they "hang" easier, putting less strain on the teeth and jaw. Personally, I prefer straight- stemmed pipes, predominately for aesthetic reasons, but also because it is easier to insert a pipe cleaner to absorb the condensate that occasionally collects in the shank while smoking. For a detailed study of pipe shapes and pipe anatomy, see The OoOPS Guide to Identifying Pipes: http://www.fujipub.com/ooops/pipeshap.html SECONDS. A true "second" is a pipe that has some kind of flaw (which is almost always cosmetic in nature) and is therefore not deemed worthy to carry the manufacturer's usual brand name. Typically, such pipes are simply stamped "Imported Briar," or something similar; however, some manufacturers have distinctive stampings for their cosmetically-challenged pipes (such as Peterson's "Irish Seconds"). You can find some very good pipes at a reduced price because they have surface flaws--pits, putty "fills" in the briar, imperfect carving, etc.--that do not affect the way they smoke at all. Many of the inexpensive pipes that you will find at your tobacconist (to include "basket pipes" and most "house brands") are "seconds" of one sort or another. ESTATE PIPES. In the pipe smoking community, "estate" is a euphemism for "used." By buying an estate pipe, it is possible to get a high quality pipe for much less than it would cost new. (It is also possible to buy a piece of junk at a greatly inflated price, so caveat emptor applies.) While these pipes are usually thoroughly cleaned before they are sold, some people are appalled at the idea of smoking a pipe that was smoked by someone else; I wonder if these people bring their own silverware to restaurants. It should be noted that the previous owner's smoking habits will have at least a minor affect on the taste the pipe will impart to tobacco. This is the primary reason why I personally prefer new pipes to their pre-smoked counterparts.

2.2 HOW SHOULD I SELECT MY FIRST TOBACCO?

This question lends itself to the short answer given in section 2.1 above. If you have had experience with only cigarettes and cigars, you're in for a real treat. The variety of pipe tobaccos is positively staggering, and the flavor of a blend is influenced not only by its component tobaccos, but also by myriad other factors such as the style of cut and the pipe used to smoke it. The only way to determine which sort of tobacco is right for you is to try a number of very different blends to decide which general type you like, and then proceed from there. Some of us are constantly searching for the perfect blend, affectionately known as "The Holy Grail." "DRUGSTORE" TOBACCOS. Generally, you will be better off purchasing your tobacco from a tobacconist. Many of the commonly available blends found in discount stores or supermakets are made from lower quality tobacco, and the additives with which they are laced for preservation and "taste enhancement" alter the way a tobacco smokes, usually for the worse. Of course, there is no harm at all in sampling these tobaccos; you may discover that one such blend is just your cup of tea. Most "drugstore blends" have been around for decades, so they must have something going for them. AROMATICS VS. NON-AROMATICS. These are the two broadest subdivisions of pipe tobaccos. As a general rule, most beginning smokers tend to go for an "aromatic" tobacco, which has been "cased" or "topped" with flavorings such as vanilla, cherry, etc., while those converting from cigars or cigarettes often prefer an "non-aromatic" or "natural" tobacco. AROMATICS. A good aromatic tobacco is lightly topped with a natural flavoring. Aromatics tend to be more moist than non-aromatics, which can lead to problems smoking them. These problems can be avoided if care is taken in the preparation of the tobacco and in the pack of the pipe. NON-AROMATICS. These are tobaccos that contain no flavored additives; in fact, a good non-aromatic blend will contain no additives whatsoever, other than perhaps a bit of water. [SIDE NOTE: You may see the word "English" used as a descriptor for non-aromatic or natural blends. To some purists, an English blend contains only Virginias and latakia (described below), and the term is used in a broad sense by some to refer to almost any unflavored tobacco (at one time, British law prohibited adulterants in tobacco). Typically, however, the term is used to describe a non-aromatic blend that contains latakia.] COMMON TYPES OF TOBACCO. BURLEY. A low-sugar, high nicotine, slow-burning tobacco with a very subtle flavor, burley is often used as a base for aromatics or to modify the burning characteristics of a blend. CAVENDISH. A term with a variety of meanings. Generally, a cavendish is "sweetened" in some way, either by a processing technique or by additives, or both. LATAKIA. A "spice" tobacco that is cured over the smoke of particular types of wood. (You may read that it is cured over fires fueled by dried camel dung, but this is not the case.) Latakia has a distinctive "smoky" taste and a pungent aroma that some find very pleasant and others find just the opposite. Latakia adds body and depth to the flavor of many natural blends. ORIENTALS. By definition, "Orientals" are those tobaccos indigenous to the eastern Mediterranean region, including the various "Turkish" tobaccos and latakia. An "Oriental blend" contains at least one and often several of these tobaccos. PERIQUE. Another "spice" tobacco grown only in St. James Parish, Louisiana. Perique is subjected to extreme pressure and is allowed to ferment as it is cured, which results in a very distinctive tobacco. TURKISH. Any of a number of tobaccos grown in numerous locales throughout the eastern Mediterranean region. Common "Turkish" varieties include Basma, Smyrna, Xanthi, Samsun, Izmir, Drama, and Yenidje. Generally, these names are derived from the region in which they are grown. Turkish tobaccos have a somewhat sweet, spicy flavor that gives "body" to many blends. VIRGINIA. Despite the name, Virginias are grown in numerous locales. There are several varieties of Virginias, but all are characterized a relatively high sugar content. Virginias are often used as the base tobacco in blends, but they are smoked "straight" as well. Straight Virginias undergo changes in flavor as they age, similar to fine wines. Lighter in body than Oriental blends, they have a subtle complexity of flavor that makes them a favorite of many experienced smokers.

2.3 HOW SHOULD I STORE MY TOBACCO?

The moisture content of a tobacco affects the way it smokes and tastes; a tobacco that is too moist or too dry will not offer a pleasing smoke. One way to determine if your tobacco has the proper level of moisture is the "pinch test." Take a pinch of your tobacco and squeeze it tightly for a couple of seconds, then release it. If it immediately starts to "unravel," your tobacco is in good shape. If it stays in a tight clump, it is too wet. If it crumbles, it is too dry. Tobacco purchased in tins should retain its moisture for several weeks after opening. Blends purchased in "bulk," or tinned tobaccos that are to be stored for many weeks or months after opening should be stored in some type of container. Standard "ziplock" sandwich bags are not airtight, and your tobacco will dry out over time if they are used for storage. Similar bags designed for use in the freezer are better, but still aren't completely satisfactory for anything other than relatively short term storage. Some people advocate the use of multiple bags in a Tupperware container, "Mason" jars, or heat-sealed, vacuum-pack bags. All of these methods are satisfactory; however, I prefer to use bail-top jars with rubber gaskets. If your tobacco is too moist, you can leave the container open slightly, while monitoring it closely. If your tobacco has dried out, it is usually possible to revive it. (There is a point beyond which no amount of re-moistening is going to restore the flavor of a tobacco, but that time span is generally measured in months or years.) Some advocate placing a slice of apple or potato in the tobacco container. This will work, but if left too long, you run the risk of introducing mold with this technique. Unlike cheese, the flavor of tobacco is not improved by mold, and once your container has been so contaminated, it is almost impossible to completely rid it of the mold spores that will attempt to infest any tobacco placed in that container in the future. A much safer method is to spray a tiny amount of water into the container and reseal it for a day or two, or purchase a ceramic humidifying disk from your tobacconist and place it in the storage container.

2.4 HOW DO I "BREAK IN" A PIPE?

The process of "breaking in" a pipe serves two functions. First, any saps, resins, acids, stains, demons, or other nasty things that have remained in the briar are driven out. Second, and most importantly, a "cake"--the layer of charred residue that builds up inside the bowl as tobacco is smoked in it--is developed. This cake protects the bowl of the pipe from the heat of burning tobacco and prevents it from "burning out." It should be noted that most of the information in this section applies to briar pipes only. Most other pipes require no break in period, or at most a very brief one. Additionally, one should not allow a cake to build up in a meerschaum or clay, as this could cause the bowl to crack. It is important to smoke a new pipe slowly, to avoid damaging the naked briar. Some recommend that a new pipe be filled only one-third to one-half full for the first several smokes, after which the bowl can be filled a little more with each smoke. To be honest, this procedure is not necessary, but I always recommend it--and usually practice it--because it is all too easy to damage a new pipe through carelessness. Don't try to rush the break-in period, and don't be overly concerned if a new pipe has a bitter taste. Some pipes break in easier than others, and it is not uncommon for a pipe that is very difficult to break in to mature into a great smoker. Some pipes are sold with a bowl coating designed to protect the briar until a cake is built up (sometimes such bowls are called "pre- carbonized"). Many pipes, however, are not so treated. While a "naked" bowl is not likely to be damaged so long as the pipe is smoked slowly, many people advocate preparing the bowl interior of a new pipe. Some recommend that the inside of the bowl be dampened with water to protect the briar, while others recommend honey, or a mixture of honey and water. Honey may help a cake form more quickly, but after trying all of these techniques I find that these days I tend to use plain water or nothing at all. Finally, do not smoke a new pipe outdoors if you can possibly avoid it. Even a gentle breeze will cause the pipe to burn much hotter than it would indoors, which can irreparably damage a briar that is not protected by a cake. I've never had a problem smoking my pipes outdoors (after they've been broken in, of course), but if you're concerned about possible damage, you can purchase wind caps from your tobacconist which will shield the burning tobacco from the effects of wind.

2.5 HOW SHOULD I "PACK" MY PIPE?

A pipe must be packed properly to ensure a good smoke; unfortunately, learning to do this takes time and practice. In fact, the art of packing a pipe is the most difficult task associated with pipe smoking, and this can be very frustrating for the beginner. I suspect that most people who have given up on trying to learn to smoke a pipe did so primarily because they couldn't master packing a bowl quickly enough to suit them. The most common technique for packing a pipe is the "three layer" method. The objective is to end up with a bowl that is evenly packed from top to bottom; this is done by packing each layer progressively tighter. Trickle tobacco into the bowl until it is slightly overfull, then press very lightly with your finger until the bowl appears half full. Fill the pipe again and press down until the pipe is 2/3 to 3/4 full. Finally, overfill the pipe and press the top layer down fairly firmly. When finished the tobacco should feel "springy" to the touch. If it has no give at all, it's packed too tight. If a touch leaves an indentation, it is packed too loosely. Finally, test the "draw" by sucking air through the unlit pipe; the resistance should be about like that felt when sipping a soft drink through a straw. If the draw doesn't feel right, then empty the bowl and start over. A slightly different touch must be used depending on the size of the bowl and the cut and moisture level of the tobacco, but this will become second nature with experience. In fact, you will undoubtedly develop your own packing techniques with time, and you will find yourself loading your pipe without even thinking about it. If you find yourself frustrated by the fact that you simply can't get the feel for packing your pipe, you might want to try a method suggested by Mike Butera. Mike recommends chopping the tobacco, reducing the ribbons into rectangles or squares about 1/4" long. The bowl is then packed as described above. Some people have found that this method can make the task of packing a bowl much easier.

2.6 HOW SHOULD I LIGHT MY PIPE?

Barring such bizarre contraptions as parabolic mirrors, lasers, and miniature blowtorches, there are three ways to light your pipe: with a match, with a butane lighter, or with a fluid lighter (e.g. a "Zippo"). The wooden match is the traditional pipe lighting device. Strike the match and hold it for a second or two while the sulfur burns off. Bring the match to the tobacco surface and, while puffing gently, move the match around the tobacco in a slow, even circle. I am tempted to state my opinion that anyone who would use anything but wooden matches to light their pipe is a barbarian, but, for the sake of objectivity, I won't. Butane lighters are more convenient than matches, and, unlike fluid lighters, they will not impart an unpleasant taste to your tobacco. If you wish to use a butane lighter, then purchase one that is designed for pipes. Such lighters have an angled gas outlet that makes it easier to direct the flame into the bowl while avoiding burned fingers. Fluid lighters share the convenience feature of butane, and they provide the only truly reliable means of lighting a pipe in a stiff wind. Zippo makes a lighter designed for pipes that has a circular hole in the chimney which is placed over the bowl while the flame is "sucked" into the tobacco. Other types of fluid lighters may be used as well, but their broad flame makes it all too easy to char the rim of the pipe bowl. The primary disadvantage to fluid lighters is that they impart a slight taste to the tobacco. Some swear that this can be prevented if one merely waits a few seconds after igniting the lighter before lighting the tobacco. I can still taste (smell?) the lighter fluid, however, and I prefer my tobacco sans naphtha.

2.7 HOW DO I KEEP MY PIPE LIT?

Don't be overly concerned if you have difficulty keeping your pipe lit at first. It is not unusual for even experienced smokers to have to re-light several times, especially toward the bottom of the bowl. Try to relax and enjoy yourself--that is the whole point, after all. You'll find it much easier to keep your pipe lit with practice. CHARRING LIGHT. The best way to keep your pipe lit is to light it correctly at the beginning. Most people light their pipe twice. Light the pipe as described above and puff a half dozen times or so. Then tamp the surface of the tobacco down with your pipe tool and re-light. The first lighting, often called the "charring light," will char the top of the tobacco and prepare this surface for the second lighting which will, with practice, take you through most of the bowl. TAMPING. While smoking, ash residue will form at the top of the tobacco. This residue should be gently tamped down periodically during the course of a smoke and prior to re-lighting. This tamping serves to keep the tobacco--which expands as it burns--properly packed and promotes even burning. If the pipe has an especially tall bowl, the ash may sometimes become so thick that it is difficult to re-light the tobacco below it. If this occurs, loosen the ash gently with your pipe tool, dump the ash, tamp, and re-light. SMOKING PACE. The pace at which you smoke (i.e. the rhythm at which you puff your pipe) is very important. With practice and experimentation you will achieve the perfect pace for you. The idea is to puff frequently enough to keep the tobacco lit, but not so frequently as to cause the pipe to burn too hot, which contributes to tongue bite and may damage your pipe. If you can't hold the bowl of your pipe comfortably in your hand, or if you can't hold the side of the bowl against your face for more than a few seconds, then you're smoking too fast. If this happens, set the pipe down for a few minutes to cool, then re-light and start again. Someone once described the perfect smoking pace as one where the pipe is always on the verge of going out.

2.8 HOW SHOULD I CLEAN MY PIPE?

Your pipe should be cleaned after each smoke. To do this, first let the pipe cool and then scoop or dump out any ash and "dottle" (unburned tobacco that sometimes remains in the bottom of the bowl). Do not bang the pipe against a hard surface, as this may result in a cracked shank or broken stem. If you must, hold the bowl of the pipe in one hand and strike the top of the bowl against the open palm of the opposite hand. Once the bowl is empty, run a pipe cleaner through the stem until it just enters the bowl and remove it. Repeat with additional cleaners until they come out clean (many people, myself included, will use both ends of a pipe cleaner before switching to a new one). Finally, take one of the used cleaners, bend it into a "U" shape, and wipe out the ash clinging to the sides of the bowl. [NOTE: Some people prefer to leave the ash in the bowl, believing that it promotes a good cake. If you like, try both ways and see what works best for you.] Set the pipe aside to dry completely. *Ideally*, the pipe should be allowed to "rest" for around 48 hours before smoking it again, but you might have to forgo this luxury until you have enough pipes to do so. Periodically, you'll want to clean your pipe a bit more thoroughly. In addition to the steps above, you'll also want to carefully remove the stem from the shank and wipe out the "gunk" that collects in the mortise; a cotton swab (e.g. a "Q-tip") works well for this task. Some people also advocate periodic cleaning of the stem and shank with pipe cleaners soaked in alcohol (preferably some form of grain alcohol), particularly if the pipe begins to taste a bit musty or sour. Do not, however, get alcohol anywhere near the bowl of a meerschaum pipe. CAUTION! PAY ATTENTION HERE!! Never, ever, ever take the stem out of a pipe while it is still hot. Allow the pipe to cool for at least an hour before attempting to remove the stem. [I'm of the opinion that you should let the pipe dry completely before removing the stem, as well.] Repeatedly removing the stem from a hot pipe will result in a loose stem at best, and you may even end up with a broken tenon or a cracked shank. With that said, there are pipes that are designed to have their stem removed while still hot. This sort of stem is called a "military bit" or an "army mount," since pipes such as these were originally designed for military men (I'm not being non-PC; there simply weren't any military women in those days), who might have need to stow their pipes on short notice. The stem's tenon on such a pipe is tapered to provide a friction fit, and the shank is almost always reinforced with a metal "cup" or band.

2.9 WHY IS MY TONGUE "CHARRED"?

"Tongue bite," an intense burning sensation of the tongue, is an unpleasant side effect often experienced by the new pipe smoker (it is also experienced by non-newbies who take up the pipe again after a period of abstinence). While irritating, it will usually go away after a week or so of smoking. If you experience this problem for an extended period, then you may be smoking a tobacco that's too moist, you may have failed to pack the bowl properly, or you're smoking too fast.

2.10 WHY IS MY PIPE "GURGLING"?

This is caused by moisture collecting in the bottom of the bowl and/or in the shank or stem. Possible causes of "gurgle" are: Smoking too fast. Water vapor is a by-product of combustion, and rapid smoking will produce large amounts of it, which will then condense in the shank and stem. Smoking a pipe that is not yet broken-in. I'm not certain if this occurs because the briar has not dried completely, because there is no cake, or "just because." Still, a new pipe will often smoke wet. Smoking a tobacco that is too moist. This is self explanatory. In addition, some tobaccos, particularly aromatics, tend to leave more liquid residue than others. Saliva in the pipe. Salivation is a normal response to smoking, and this saliva can collect in the stem. Keep your tongue away from the mouthpiece opening, and try to keep your mouth as dry as possible. If your pipe begins to gurgle while smoking, run a pipe cleaner down the stem to absorb the moisture. This can be a bit tricky with some bent pipes, but it's usually possible if you put a small bend in the end of the cleaner and rotate it "just right."

3. "ADVANCED" TOPICS.

This section addresses questions that may crop up once you have mastered the basics. If you have a question that you think should be added here, please let me know.

3.1 HOW SHOULD I REAM MY PIPE?

After a pipe has been smoked for a long time its cake may become so thick that it significantly reduces the capacity of the bowl. In very extreme cases, an overly thick cake may actually crack the bowl due to differential expansion. Ideally, the cake should not exceed one-sixteenth of an inch (about 1.5 mm) or so. When the cake exceeds this thickness, it should be carefully reamed. Some pipe tools have a blunt-pointed (to prevent gouging of the bowl bottom) knife blade for this purpose. While these will work, it is very easy to trim the cake unevenly or even inadvertently dig into bare wood. Numerous adjustable, multibladed reamers are available commercially, and these will do a much neater job. My favorite tool for this task--suggested to me by pipe remairman extraordinaire JT Cooke--is nothing more than a series of short wooden dowels of varying diameters that I wrap with fine grit emery cloth or sandpaper. Whatever device you choose to use, work very slowly and carefully to prevent damage to your pipe. The idea is to gradually shave the cake down to the proper thickness, not to scrape it out in chunks. If you have more than the usual number of thumbs, you might want to take the pipe to your tobacconist, who will usually perform this task for a nominal fee.

3.2 WHAT CAN I DO WHEN MY PIPE "TURNS SOUR"?

A pipe, properly cared for, will probably outlast its owner. Occasionally, however, a pipe may begin to taste bitter or "sour." Sometimes this is caused by not allowing the pipe sufficient time to "rest" between smokes; other times, no cause can be determined with certainty. In any event, such a pipe can usually be rejuvenated by applying the "Professor's Pipe-Sweetening Treatment," publicized by Dennis Congos. First, find some salt (non-iodized is preferred, but not essential), some alcohol (preferably "Everclear," or some other form of near-pure, non-denatured ethanol), and a place to rest your pipe in a semi-upright position. Insert a pipe cleaner into the stem of the pipe so that it extends into the shank. Fill the bowl to the rim with salt and drip or carefully pour alcohol into the bowl until the salt is just saturated. Try not to get any alcohol on the pipe's exterior, as this may damage the finish; any spills should be wiped up immediately. Leave the pipe alone for a day or two. After this time the salt will have turned brown from the absorption of "tars" from the bowl. Thoroughly clean all salt from the bowl and set the pipe aside overnight to dry completely. Your pipe will now be revitalized, and all traces of bitterness should be gone. WARNING: Many people swear by this process, but the procedure is not risk-free. Some people have had pipes crack after this treatment, particularly when they allowed the salt and alcohol mixture to enter the pipe's shank and/or when they left the mixture in the pipe for several days. Any pipe with significant monetary or sentimental value should be sent to a professional pipe repairperson.

3.3 HOW CAN I FIX A LOOSE STEM?

Even if you're careful to never remove the stem from a hot pipe, you may occasionally be faced with a loose stem. Often this problem will fix itself with time, but if the stem is so loose that it is in danger of falling out, then something must be done. The safest bet is to take the pipe to a tobacconist or send it to a repairperson. These people will have a great deal of practice performing this task, and they will do it for a very modest fee. It is remarkably easy for an amateur to crack a shank while attempting this repair, as many of us can sadly attest. Nevertheless, if you are determined to do this yourself, you must first determine what sort of stem you have. If the stem is lucite, the easiest fix is to apply a very thin layer of clear nail polish to the tenon, allow this to dry *completely*, and then carefully sand the tenon to fit. A vulcanite stem, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated, as you will need to heat the tenon and expand it in some way. There are a number of variations to this procedure, but the most common one is described below. First, remove the stem from the pipe and insert a pipe cleaner into the stem so that it just reaches the end of the tenon (this is to ensure that you don't collapse the air hole). Next, carefully heat the tenon over a match for about five seconds (the intent is to soften the vulcanite, not melt it). Then gently press the end of the tenon against a flat surface, keeping the tenon as perpendicular to the surface as possible, taking care not bend the tenon to one side or the other. After the stem has cooled, test fit it. If the stem is still too loose, repeat this procedure. If it is now too tight, then see "What should I do with a stem that's too tight?" below. NOTE: It is *very* easy to ruin a perfectly good pipe with this technique, and I feel I should reiterate my earlier statement that this job is best undertaken by a "professional." A less radical (and *much* safer) procedure that has been recommended to me by several people is to simply rub the stem's tenon against a block of beeswax until the tenon is well coated. Once this is complete, reinsert the stem. I am told that the joint will tighten after a smoke or two.

3.4 WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH A STEM THAT'S TOO TIGHT?

If the stem is still inserted in the pipe and is so difficult to remove that you fear your pipe may be damaged, then place the pipe in the freezer for several minutes. This works the vast majority of the time; however, if the stem still proves too difficult to remove, smoke the pipe, allow it to cool, and try to remove the stem again. If neither of these techniques work, then send the pipe to a reputable repairperson. If you do manage to remove the stem, place some sort of dry lubricant, such as graphite (from a soft pencil) or wax, on the tenon and attempt to reinsert the stem. If this does not provide satisfactory results, you will need to remove a small amount of material from the tenon. Wrap some very fine (400 grit or so) sandpaper or some "O" or finer grade steel wool around the tenon and twist the stem gently. Work very slowly and carefully, and check the fit frequently until it is satisfactory.

3.5 HOW SHOULD I POLISH MY STEMS?

Vulcanite stems can oxidize, turning a disgusting brownish green color. This is one case where "an ounce of prevention" definitely pays off. Avoid exposing vulcanite stems to direct sunlight whenever possible, and wipe off your stems after each use. When oxidation does begin to form, it can often be removed with a mild abrasive, such as baking soda or toothpaste. If the oxidation is too severe for this treatment, jeweler's rouge or an automobile rubbing compound will often do the trick. For truly stubborn stems more drastic measures may be required. An overnight soak in household bleach will turn your stems black again, but you should be careful to cover any stem logos with a blob of petroleum jelly to protect them prior to soaking, and you should be prepared to apply some elbow grease to polish the stem surface, which will be roughened by this treatment. Professionals (and "serious amateurs") remove oxidation with a buffing wheel loaded with Tripoli or some similar abrasive and then apply carnuba wax to protect the stem and bring out a high shine. If you wish to put a buffing rig, consult with someone experienced in such matters. It's all too easy to burn a stem on a buffing wheel running at excessively high speed or, for that matter, to catapult a briar into your face.

3.6 HOW SHOULD I CARE FOR MY MEERSCHAUM?

First, and most importantly, don't drop it. Meerschaum is fragile, and it is very unlikely that your pipe will survive a dive to the kitchen floor. Second, do not allow a cake to build in the bowl (firmly swabbing out all the ash residue with a bent pipe cleaner after each smoke should do the trick). If your pipe does start to build a cake, then ream it out very carefully. Third, if your pipe has a screw-in shank fitting (as most meerschaums do), twist the stem clockwise while removing it; twisting counter-clockwise could unscrew the fitting, and doing so repeatedly can strip the shank threads. Finally, meerschaum is a very absorbent, inorganic material, and does not require the same "rest period" that briars do. Still, I would at least allow the pipe to cool and dry completely before loading up and smoking it again. Many meerschaum aficionados claim that to insure proper "coloring" of the bowl you should never hold the bowl with your bare hands while smoking. This may be true, but I would much rather have a meerschaum with an unevenly colored bowl than to have to go through the hassle of holding my pipe by the stem or (horrors!) wearing kid gloves to smoke.

3.7 WHY DO PEOPLE BUY EXPENSIVE PIPES?

Good question. Will a $500 pipe smoke 10 times better than a $50 pipe? Probably not. Does this mean the $500 pipe is a "poor value"? Not necessarily. Like most things in life, you generally get what you pay for when you buy a pipe. A number of factors contribute to the price of a pipe, not the least of which is the amount of time and energy expended in its production. A machine can crank out a pipe in less than a minute, but a craftsman may spend a day or more carving a single pipe, and such a pipe is as much a work of art as it is a smoking instrument. Smoking these sculptures in briar can provide tremendous pleasure, and many people are willing to pay for the privilege. On the other hand, many people are perfectly content to smoke so-called "cheap" pipes. These people think that spending a large sum of money on a hunk of wood that serves only to hold burning tobacco is irresponsible, foolish, or both. These people do have a point, as it is certainly possible to buy an inexpensive, machine-made pipe that smokes perfectly well. Like so many other aspects in this hobby, it all boils down to personal preference. The important thing is to smoke what you like, and don't get your nose out of joint if someone else's tastes differ from yours.

3.8 IS PIPE SMOKING BAD FOR ME?

Probably. How bad? The jury's still out. Pipe smoking is certainly the safest form of tobacco use (with the possible exception of nasal snuff). In fact, a review of the literature has led me to believe that the risks are, for the most part, negligible, so long as one smokes in moderation and does not inhale. This is not to say that pipe smoking won't kill you, but it's less likely to do so than your automobile. I must note that at least one study found that pipe smokers live *longer* than non-smokers. If this is true, I'm sure it's because pipe smoking reduces stress, and because pipe smokers spend so much time fiddling with their pipes that they have little time to participate in more hazardous activities. Still, if you have a strong desire to live forever, I suggest you forgo pipe smoking (and fried foods, and red meat, etc.).

3.9 SHOULD I STORE MY PIPE WITH A CLEANER IN THE STEM?

There are three schools of thought on this issue: 1) Those who do not leave a pipe cleaner in their pipe between smokes. These people believe that doing so prevent their pipe from drying quickly and or properly. 2) Those who do leave a pipe cleaner in their pipe between smokes. These people believe that doing so assists in the absorption of nasty stuff. 3) Those who compromise by leaving a pipe cleaner in their pipe for a short period (usually overnight), then removing it to allow the pipe to dry completely. Personally, I belong to group #3 a about half the time. The rest of the time I'm a #1, unless I forget to remove the pipe cleaner, in which case I'm an accidental #2. Bottom line: It really doesn't matter. Whatever works for you is fine.

3.10 HOW DO I SMOKE "FLAKE TOBACCOS"?

Flake tobaccos are those that have been pressed during processing into a rectangular cake and then (usually after an aging period) sliced into shingle-like "flakes" about a millimeter or so in thickness. Most flake tobaccos are straight Virginias. Variations on this theme include "sliced plug" (typically a flavored burley), "cut cake," "roll cut" (which is spun into a sort of rope before being sliced into discs, and which often has perique added to the base Virginias), as well as "plugs" and "twists" (which are sliced by the consumer after purchase). Flake tobaccos and their kin must be prepared prior to smoking; this process is known as "rubbing out" the tobacco. The traditional technique for doing this is to place the number of flakes sufficient to fill the pipe in the palm of one hand; then rub both palms together over a cloth or a sheet of paper. An alternate technique is to pinch the flakes apart with the fingertips; I usually use a combination of these two methods to reduce the flakes to the proper consistency. The degree to which the flakes are rubbed out will determine the tobacco's burning characteristics and taste. The more the flake is rubbed out, the faster and easier the tobacco will burn. If you tend to smoke overly fast, or if you intend to smoke outdoors, you might wish to rub the flakes out less. As with most things related to pipe smoking, the key is practice and experience.

3.11 DOES TOBACCO IMPROVE WITH AGE?

The answer is a qualified "yes." The stuff you'll find in your local supermarket is not likely to age well, but high quality natural blends, like good wines, will change with age, usually for the better. Virginias are most noted for their tendency to improve over time, becoming darker, sweeter and more full-bodied, but other sorts of blends often show marked improvement as well. A "fresh" blend will often have a harsh edge, and the tastes of each of its component tobaccos will stand out sharply. After aging for a few years, however, the blend will have a much softer quality, and the flavors of its components will have "wed," producing a much more smooth, richer tobacco. Many pipe smokers set aside tins of their favorite blends to age, dipping into their "cellars" from time to time to sample and evaluate the blends as they change. It is also common for a smoker to place into storage blends that he or she has purchased but did not enjoy, in the hopes that they will improve with time. While this practice does take a bit of patience, the rewards are almost always worth it. Storing tobacco in unopened tins is a relatively simple matter; just put the tins in a relatively cool, dry place, such as a closet. Storing bulk blends or opened tins for long periods of time can be more of a challenge. Most people recommend placing the tobacco into sealed "Mason" jars or in hermetically sealed, non-porous plastic bags (using one of those contraptions designed for vacuum-sealing foods that you occasionally see for sale in department stores). Reports indicate that either technique is satisfactory.

3.12 HOW MANY PIPES DO I NEED?

There is obviously no single answer to this question. Many pipe smokers will tell you that you can't have too many pipes. They are, of course, correct, and most pipe smokers will continue to add to their collections through the years. Still, what is the practical minimum number of pipes required? The number of pipes you need depends on your smoking habits and the type of tobacco you prefer. In general, however, I am of the opinion that you will eventually need about one pipe for each bowl of tobacco you smoke in a week. I actually arrived at this by conducting an informal and completely unscientific experiment. The frequency with which I smoke varies, but during this experiment I smoked about nine bowls a week. I attempted to smoke for a month using only four pipes. This would allow each pipe to rest for at least 48 hours before being smoked again. I did not take particularly good care of these pipes; in fact, I smoked much more aggressively and kept my tobacco more moist than usual. After two or three weeks, the pipes began to taste a bit "off," indicating that they were being smoked too frequently. Increasing the number of pipes to eight fixed the problem. It appears that a good quality pipe may, with minimal care, be smoked once a week virtually indefinitely without ill effects. Your mileage will almost certainly vary. If you smoke slowly and take good care of your pipes you can undoubtedly get by with a much smaller collection. The problem with having only a minimal number of pipes is that you risk getting locked into a rigid, anal-retentive, "if-it's-Tuesday-it-must-be-Savinelli" rotation scheme. With a larger collection, you can smoke your pipes as the mood strikes you without fear of oversmoking any of them. Of course, you'll also want a few pipes for outdoor activities, and you'll want a few more that fit comfortably in a pocket for nights on the town, a few really large pipes for reading or television watching, etc. As they say, you really can't have too many pipes.

3.13 CAN I MAKE MY OWN PIPES?

Of course you can. In fact, many people do. Some smokers buy "kits" with pre-drilled bowls and ready-made stems that they shape and finish; others prefer to produce their pipes "from scratch." The details of how to make a pipe are beyond the scope of this FAQ, but here are two sources of pipemaking supplies and information that can help you get started: Stemco-Pimo, Inc. Butternut Lane P.O. Box 2043 Manchester Center, VT 05255 (802) 362-3371 American Smoking Pipe Co. HC 88 Box 223 30 Tall Oaks Terrace Pocono Lake, PA 18347 www.AmSmoke.com

4. PIPE RESOURCES ON THE 'NET.

There are many sources for information on pipes and pipe smoking on the Internet, and more are popping up all the time. The two listed below will get you to all the rest. Steve Masticola's "Pipes Digest" is a mailing list that is a "must-read" for every smoking 'Netizen. Send a message to "pipes@pipes.org" and tell Steve that you'd like to subscribe. [FYI, Steve Masticola is the creator of "alt.smokers.pipes."] Steve Beaty's "Pipes WWW Page" is the ultimate online resource for the pipe smoker. From here, you can subscribe to Pipes Digest, peruse back issues of PD, or use a very efficient search engine to find topics of interest. There are also links to just about everything on the Internet related to pipes and pipe smoking: http://www.pipes.org

5. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS, ETC.

Thanks to Sami Mikhail, who wrote the first version of this FAQ, and to Mike Gillman, who revised it and later handed it off to me. I only hope I haven't butchered it too badly. Disclaimer: Everything in this document may be wrong. Don't even think about blaming me if something breaks, blows up, runs away, or falls off. Face it; life is a dangerous business. Copyright 2000 by Mark Lathem, all rights reserved. This FAQ may be freely copied for personal use and may be posted to any non-commercial web site, ftp site, or BBS as long as it is left completely intact, to include this copyright statement. This FAQ may not be included in collections or compilations without permission and may not be distributed for financial gain. -- Mark Lathem marklathem@usa.net END <<----------------------- CUT HERE ----------------------->> END