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From: ????????????????????????
Subject: Pipes Digest #121 - December 3, 1993

		 Pipes Digest #121 - December 3, 1993

Welcome to new members:

	Bill Magill		(?????????????????????)
	Brian Yates		(????????????????????)
	Susannah Travers	(?????????????????????????????)
	Tommy Collison		(??????????????????)

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From: ????????????????????????
Subject: Miscellany

Jeff Pitblado writes:

> A few weeks ago, I sat down with a book and a Te
> Amo Meditation.  After about an hour...  I felt very
> ill and went into the bathroom and threw up.  Has this happened to
> anyone else ? 
Yes!  Hemmingway does that to me every time, and Michener gives me gas.  
Perhaps next time you should read the cigar label and light the book. 8-)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Bill Thacker             AT&T Network Systems       attmail!att!cbemf!wbt
(614) 860-5294  	 Columbus, Ohio              ?????????????????
                      Humpty Dumpty was pushed!

[ See my writeup on Nancy Lebowitz's button catalog below, Bill! -S. ] 

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From: ??????????????????????? (Martin Golding)
Subject: US import of Cuban cigars

> 	Yes.  The importation of any Cuban products/services into the U.S.
> 	via any means is strictly forbidden, as is the export of products
> 	from the U.S. to Cuba, via any route.

There's an exception: You can bring in a limited amount (I believe it's
the standard amount allowed for personal use) if you're returning from Cuba.

Unfortunately, you can't legally have _been_ in Cuba without the permission
of the US government.

If you happen to be among (or know) the rare legal visitors, the custom's
service publishes a brochure with all the details, most travel agents and
international airlines have copies.

> I, as a Canadian, can bring Cuban cigars into the United States for my
> own personal use.  It is only illegal if I sell them or give them to
> somebody else.  That's why they sell them in the Duty Free.

Damn. A Canadian just came down to visit, and all I ordered was a haggis.

> According to my old tobacconist in Pittsburgh (Ivan at Continental), 
> Latakia is processed over fires of dried camel dung.  Any tobacco
> experts out there care to comment?

Dung is a traditional fuel throughout most of the world. I've read that
it's over a fire of herbs; I much prefer to believe that :-)


Martin Golding       |    email: ???????????????????????
ADP Dealer Services  | bellmail: (503) 294 4200

[ So would most of us, I think! -S. ]

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From: ?????????????????????????????
Subject: membership

i would like to subscribe to your mailing list to learn more about
pipes.  i am considering purchasing and smoking one and you seem to be
a great potential source of information. my name is susannah travers
and my email address is ?????????????????????????????

thankyou in advance 
hoping to hear from you soon.

[ Welcome aboard, Susannah! How-to sent by separate mail. We have only
a few women members, but they're all high quality. Please let us know
how you do with your pipe, should you take the plunge! -S. ]

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From: Gregory Pease <????????????>
Subject: Re: Pipes Digest #119 - November 24, 1993 

In message <???????????????????????????????????????>  you wrote:
>From: ????????????????????????? (Aryk Nusbacher)
>Subject: Re:  Pipes Digest #118 - November 19, 1993
>According to my old tobacconist in Pittsburgh (Ivan at Continental), 
>Latakia is processed over fires of dried camel dung.  Any tobacco
>experts out there care to comment?

Latakia was "discovered" when a bumper crop resulted in surplus,
and the excess tobacco was stored in the rafters.  The  village farmers
traditionally used camel dung (or other dung, I suspect) as a source 
of fuel, and the smoke cured tobacco was revealed the following season.  
Today, Latakia is smoked over a smouldering fire of aromatic herbs.  The
camel no longer has to process the herbs first!

>	Also I want to know about the quality of
>	the mega expensive pipes like Charatan, Davidoff, and Duhill.
>I am told that the only difference between a $100 GBD and a $300
>Dunhill is the label:  they come from the same factory.  

Dunhill and GBD are *not* made in the same factory.  GBDs and Comoys
are both made in France, where they actually have quite a strong
tradition.  Dunhills are still made in England by Dunhill.  Many of the 
GBD and Comoy pipes  are stemmed and finished in England, last I knew, 
but the bowls are turned in St. Claude.

There have been times in Dunhill's history when bowls were purchased and
then cured, stemmed and finshed.  This practise has not been done in decades.
The Dunhill curing process is what makes the Dunhill pipes distinctive.
When William Ashton Taylor left Dunhill's employ to establish the Ashton
factory, he cured his pipes using very similar methods.  Ashtons are now
cured differently, and no longer taste like Dunhills.  I believe there
was a bit of trouble with Dunhill's ownership of the patents, even though
Mr. Taylor originated some of the methods...

>I have 
>seen some recent Dunhills that make my flesh crawl _before_ looking
>at the price tag.  It's not like the old days, when Dunhill pipes
>were notably light and graceful right down to the bottom of the 

The "old days" are a much lauded myth.  Dunhill pipes are no better or
no worse today than ever, but the poor quality ones of olde have long
since been discarded, while the better ones have been cherished.  Dunhill
has had some periods during which certain models were not up to scratch,
but overall, they have retained their traditional curing and manufacturing
methods despite increasing costs of doing so.  The same can not be said of 
Comoy, GBD, Saseini, Barling, BBB, Charatan (now made in France and imported 
by J. B. Russell), all of which made wonderful pipes at one time, and all of
which make an inferior product today.  I have a significant number of
Dunhills in my collection, made between 1912 and 1986.  They are all 
superb smoking pipes.  I have had poor quality, heavy, flavourless Dunhills
from the 1980's *and* from the 1930's.  The most beautiful pipe set
I have ever seen is a set of Dunhill Shells, group 1 through ODA in a 
straight billiard shape.  Each pipe is sxtraordinary, and the impact
of all seven pipes, presented in a beautifully crafted chest is

I'm not defending Dunhill prices; I think they are ridiculous, but
everything has its perspective.  I have to applaud Dunhill for retaining
traditional methods and materials.  (They don't make movies like they
did in the good old days, either.  Or cars.  Remember the Edsel?)

>Charatan makes some excellent pipes that are realtively inexpensive.
>Right now I'm smoking a Charatan (3102DC) for which I paid C$60 on
>sale.  Not in the same league as Dunhill (which, last time I was in
>their New York blazer shoppe and pipe showroom, started at $250 for
>a cheesy clunker).  Buying a pipe from an excellent cigar roller
>like Davidoff seems pointless.
>If you're going to blow lots of oof on a pipe, you might consider
>a decent Stanwell, Comoy, Ben Wade or Charatan -- you could buy two
>for the price of one Dunhill dental appliance.

As I mentioned, Charatan is not the pipe it once was.  Really.  They
were once independent, then Lane Limited (the same chaps who own Dunhill)
bought them.  About a year or two ago, the rights to the name and shape
chart were purchased by James B. Russell, and the pipes are now made
in St. Claude, France.  I've had great pipes from St. Claude, so this 
might not be all bad, but the Charatans I have seen lately have been
piss-poor counterfeits of the "real" ones.  

GBD and Comoy are now one and the same.  The only difference between 
the pipes is the finishing and the logo.  Barling has been a different
product since the father/son transition in the (i think) 1960s.  Ditto

For reasonable prices, Peterson makes a nice smoking, though not always
pretty pipe.  Because of a glut on the market, Castellos can be had for
a decent price (relative to Dunhill!), and the lesser priced Larsens
are a real bargain.  The upscale Danish pipes are truly wonderful, and
some of the less know Italian marques are worth searching out; Fiamma
di Rey, Mastro de Paja, il Ceppo, Ser Jacopo and Grenci come to mind.  
Some of the finest pipes being made today come from small American makers, 
Butera, Frey, Rausch.  These are hard to find, but well worth the search.  I
don't know if he's still around, but Julius Vesz, somewhere in Canada
was making superb pipes a few years ago.  I haven't seen one in a while,
so I can't say much about availability.

On Cigars:

If you can find them, the Private Stock (a second from a *major* Dominican 
maker) cigars are the best bang-for-the-buck going.  The Number 11 is a 
robusto with a lot of character and taste.  It's full bodied without being
overwhelming, and quite complex. (Quite similar to the Davidoff Special R.)

I've prattled on long enough.  

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From: James Taranto <?????????????????>
Subject: A great Thanksgiving

Several of my friends feel sorry for me because I'm spending Thanksgiving
alone, as my family lives in California and I live in New York.  They
don't know what a good Thanksgiving is.  I'm sitting here watching the
Dallas-Miami game with the sound down, I've got a Beethoven symphony going
on the stereo, and... I'm enjoying my first Cuban Cohiba.

Actually, it's a Canadian Cohiba, one of several I purchased on a trip to
Toronto three months ago.  The Havana House on Cumberland was having some
sort of charity benefit, and had a Cuban roller making Cohibas on the
premises, which were being sold for bargain prices: C$5 (about $4) for a
corona, C$10 for a robusto, C$15 for a Churchill.  I bought four of the
coronas and one robusto, which have been sitting in my humidor since.

I'm smoking a corona (actually a nonstandard size, 38x6", half an inch
short of what they call a Corona Especial).  It's very tasty and
full-bodied, but not harsh like some cheaper Cuban cigars.  It's a
wonderful accompaniment to a Canadian beer (LaBatt Blue, purchased at the
duty-free shop on the same trip).

My father has severe asthma and doesn't allow smoking in his house, so
it's a real treat for me *not* to spend Thanksgiving with the family.

By the way, there's a Dominican Cohiba on the market now, available at
Dunhill shops among other places.  Like the Dominican Montecristo that was
recently introduced, it's a pale imitation of the real thing from Havana.

James Taranto  ?????????????????

[ Hope the others had similarly happy Thanksgivings! -S. ]

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From: "William H. Magill" <?????????????????????>
Subject: Philosophy of a Cigar Connaisseur

naw... this couldn't be THE Steve Masticola ???

At any rate, yes, sounds like fun.

Yes, Holts is still around - although they are almost the only
one. They bought out Harry A Tint a couple of years ago when he died.
And just this past year Philadephia Tobacconist over on Chestnut 
apparently expired.

There is a JR Cigars which has opened in the past 5 years, so there
are still two.

William H. Magill                         Manager, PennNet Computing Services
Data Communications and Computing Services (DCCS)  University of Pennsylvania
Internet: ?????????????????????                   ???????????????????????????

[ Background: (a) Bill used to be Chief Operator at the Moore School
Computing Facility at Penn, where I was an undergraduate. (b) Holt's
is a terrific tobacconist in downtown Philadelphia, which really
should go on the Resource Guide. (c) Well, _a_ Steve Masticola,
anyway... :-) -S. ]

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From: ????????????????????????? (Martin Ott)
To: ????????????????????????
Subject: Pipes, Tobacco and AD&D2nd

Hi pipers,

I would like to ask you for some information on making pipes and
tobacco. Sure I could read a book or look it up in an encyclopedia.
But I think I need the knowledge of people who have actual expereince
in doing these crafts.

if you know AD&D2nd, I would like to ask you for some help (you can
skip the next paragraph).  If you don't know what AD&D2nd is, please
read on, you may even be of more help, since you apparently dont waste
time with it and spend more time with pipes...

AD&D2nd is short for Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 2nd Edition.  It is a
rule system for fantasy role playing games. The system allows to set
up a very detailed personality and abilities of a player/character.
The setting of the play is often a civilisation like the roman empire
or medival times (f.i. Tolkien). In these worlds live lots of
interesting and dangerous creatures. Our group is very story oriented
and very often invent a new skill/proficiency which is not in the
official rule book. Recently, my bard started to learn the trade of
crafting tobacco pipes. Since in ancient times the trades of craftsman
were highly specialiced, one can not simply make a pipe if one already
had 'crafting wooden shoes' before. (cf. the different types of

Now I want to do a write up for 'Crafting Tobacco Pipes'.  (If you'd
know a better title, please let me know. But 'Crafting Pipes' might by
confusing with flutes.)

Since I almost know nothing about crafting pipes or production of
tobacco (I just use it) I would like to ask you for some input. Please
bear in mind that 1000 or 2000 years ago the trade of pipe making may
have been different from to day.

'Crafting Tobacco Pipes'

Points of interest are:

What do you need to make a pipe.  (Tools, woods, workshop or 'on the

How long does it take to make a pipe.  (Experience, tools, wisdom,
dexterity, patient wife...)

What is the _relative_ value of the pipe when it is finished.
(a formula based on wood quality, time of labour, artistic abilites,
final quality of the pipe...)  Please, dont put the final value in
terms of US$.  The fantasy world has a price system that is based on
relative values, like 100 eggs is about one goose, or rather more
dependend on the time and knowlege it requires to produce something.

How long will pipes last. (quality, usage,..... ) [My first one,
though of good quality, lasted one year, then the neck broke due to
heat damage]

Anything else to know ?  (If you have some historical knowledge, it
would be very welcome.)

'Tobacco manufacturing'
Points of interest are:

The growing and harvest of tobacco plants would be in the domain of
the farmer's trade, I think.  Here I am looking more for the steps
from after harvest until the tobacco is ready to smoke.  If I recall
corectly, tobacco was available in Europe only after the Spaniards
brought it back from America.  Of course, in our fantasy world tobacco
is available at all times.  To make it short, points of interest are
similar to those listed above under Pipe making.

that's it, finally.  Ah, of course, when you mail me something, I take
it that I can use it in the Net.Bards.Book that I am writing.
Certainly this will be done under the no-profit ettiquette and you get
your acknowledgement.

Sorry Steve, maybe this long mail should go into the Pipes Digest

thanks to all 

[ A tall order, Martin! But it sounds like fun! I'll attempt a few
preliminary answers. Hope someone else will help me out!

A crude pipe can be made by an eight-year-old with a pocket knife. (I
know from personal experience. :-) But it takes a fair amount of
woodworking skill to make a good one.  Depending on the tools you're
using, and the effects you're trying for, it can take from an
afternoon to a week.

Briar is a _very_ hard wood, so briar pipes will be the toughest to
carve. Meerschaum is much softer, hence easier to work, but you'd
still have to make some hard fitments, so it would last. And
meerschaum carvers go in for fancy artwork and fitted lined hard
leather cases. A corncob can be made by anyone in minutes, including
an eight-year-old with a pocket knife.

Materials: Block briar root, sandpaper, rouge, walnut or similar
stains, carnauba wax. Possibly bone or amber for the stem. (I guess
vulcanite, or any other plastic, is out for AD&D purposes...)

Tools: At the minimum, leather gloves and apron, a drill and bits
(metal bits, not wood augers), fine-tooth saw, sharp carving knife,
vise, small paintbrush for the stain, rags for buffing. A lathe would
help, for turning the pipe, as well as sanding or buffing it; so would
some sort of a grinder. I'd love to have a flex-shaft, especially if I
was trying to carve complicated artwork on the pipe. (Which I can't,
personally...) As the number and power of the tools increases, the
time to make the pipe decreases.

The value of the pipe depends on the quality of the wood. There's a
large chance factor, because you can hit grains of sand and other
defects that you can't see, as you carve. I'd say the effort is about
equivalent to making a good wooden chair.

Pipes can last forever if they're well-designed and well-cared for.
Stems will typically be the first thing to break, usually in about
five years, by sheer chewing.

Don't have the history handy, but I can check it. I'll send you Bill's
write-up on tobacco growing by separate mail. No problem with using
this, and if you do put in an acknowledgement, please mention the
Mailgroup. And please let us see, too! -S. ]

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From: "William H. Magill" <?????????????????????>
Subject: And now for something completely different !

A little levity for those of you suffering from turkey poisoning.

The Journal of Irreproducible Results now has an
electronic version.  I have attached the first edition. 

If you have any interest in subscribing
(electronically) please follow the directions in the
following posting.  

The Mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results ("mini-JIR")
Issue Number 1993-01
November, 1993
ISSN 1072-7159
Key words:science humor,irreproducible results,Ig Nobel
The Official Electronic Mini-Organ of the Society for Basic
Irreproducible Research
Produced jointly by
The Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR) and
The MIT Museum


1993-01-01  Table of Contents
1993-01-02  Purpose of the Mini-Journal (*)
1993-01-03  Abstracts from JIR, vol. 38, no. 5, Sep/Oct 93
1993-01-04  List of 1993 Ig Nobel Prize Winners
1993-01-05  NAFTA Update
1993-01-06  JIR Recommends
1993-01-07  Upcoming Events at the MIT Museum and Elsewhere
1993-01-08  Calls for Papers and Nominations
1993-01-09  How to Submit Articles to JIR (*)
1993-01-10  How to Subscribe (*)
1993-01-11  Copyright Notice (*)

            Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.

So many of you subscribed to mini-JIR that you rendered it,
very temporarily, irreproducible. We had planned to send out
this first issue early in the week of November 15. But with
this number of subscribers, that would have overwhelmed the
MIT computer system, and possibly slowed down other portions
of the net. Rather than do that, we made arrangements to
have a number of sites redistribute mini-JIR.

We apologize for the delay, and thank you for your patience.

1993-01-02  Purpose of the Mini-Journal (*)

The Mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results publishes news
about overly stimulating research and ideas. Specifically:

A) Haphazardly selected superficial (but advanced!) extracts
of research news and satire from the Journal of
Irreproducible Results (JIR).

B) News about the annual Ig Nobel Prize ceremony. Ig Nobel
Prizes honor "achievements that cannot or should not be
reproduced." A public ceremony is held at MIT, in Cambridge
Massachusetts, every autumn. The ceremony is sponsored
jointly by JIR and by the MIT Museum.

C) News about other science humor activities conducted by
the MIT Museum and JIR.

1993-01-03  Abstracts from JIR, vol. 38, no. 5, Sep/Oct 93

This section contains abstracts of articles that appear in
volume 38, number 5 (the September/October 1993 issue) of
The Journal of Irreproducible Results.

"Teeth Pulled by Peter the Great," by Rosamond Wolff Purcell
and Stephen J. Gould.
A photograph documents 24 teeth, all personally pulled by
Peter the Great of Russia, who fancied himself a dentist,
and who often would demand this sacrifice of a member of his
retinue or even of an idle passerby.

"Selecting a College: The Squirrel Index," by Bruce McAfee.
In recommending a college to attend, experts traditionally
rely on innacurate assumptions: that prospective students
can read, etc. The author proposes and tests a new approach
for selecting a college: examining the number and
friendliness of a college's resident squirrel population.

"What's in a Name? (Middle) Name-Dropping and Postwar
American Politics" by William J. Tompson
There is a marked trend toward shorter names for American
politicians and statesmen. This study uses a number of
highly sophisticated quantitative tests to draw a link
between this phenomenon and the influence of the Bolshevik
Revolution on American intellectual life.

"The Coffee Strength Gauge," by Stephen Drew.
A new wristwatch-shaped device assesses the quality of a cup
of coffee. It provides house guests and restaurant patrons
with a polite way to tell before drinking the coffee whether
it is too strong, too weak, or just right.

"A Phenomenon Caused by Excess Gravity," by J. William
Photographic evidence supports the author's theory of how
two wine glasses came to be of differing heights.

"The Phantom Research Grant Phenomenon," by George
Englebretsen and Genevieve Boulet.
The authors contend that, just as victims of limb loss are
often forced phsychologically to continue to behave as if
their phantom limbs still exist, victims of research grant
loss are often forced to continue to behave as if their
grants still exist.

"The Therapeutic Value of Whimpering," by Roma Lark.
The author, a nursing student, finds that the length of a
hospital patient's stay can be predicted by the quality and
frequency of the patient's whimpering.

"Measuring Effects of Space Flight Without Space Flight," by
Mark Shelhamer.
A simple mathematical method predicts human physical
performance under weightless conditions. It is based on
measuring the difference in performance, under normal
gravity, between subjects weighing (for example) X and 2X.

Interview with Nobel Physics laureate (1979) Allan Cormack.
Cormack developed the mathematical and physical foundations
of  computerized axial tomography (CAT) imaging. In this
interview, he explains his secrets for staying awake during
a dull lecture, and suggests candidates for the Ig Nobel

"An Important but Neglected Function of Nitric Oxide (NO),"
by X. Perry Mental.
A historical context is given for the recent discovery,
published in the research journal "Science," that nitric
oxide (NO) may play a role in penile erections. A non-
seminal event was the 1965 discovery of the contraceptive
NO-acetol, the chemical structure of which has nitric oxide
(NO) in every position.

"Nitric Oxide (NO): Don't Confuse Cause With Effect," by
Benjamin J. Luberoff.
The author contends that recent research on nitric oxide
(NO) leaves it unclear whether: (a) NO conveys a message
that causes penile erection; or (b) the erection elicits the

"Comedic Cosmology," by Howard Zaharoff.
The publication of this article was made possible by a
generous donation from the author's family.

"A Cool Analysis of the Heat Pump," by Mark Lipsman.
The classical heat pump is analyzed in terms of the spaces
between molecules, Planck's constant, and moving trains.

"Elegant Results" (regular column) by Alice Shirell Kaswell.
Styles, trends, and tidbits, culled from leading research
journals. In this issue: findings from the research journals
"Skin Art Encyclopedia," " Outlaw Biker Review," and

"Scientific Gossip" (regular column) by Stephen Drew.
Contains 100% gossip from concentrate. In this issue:
Recycled House Wine; Disorder for Doctors; Patch People;
Fungus Factory; There's a Song in My Stomach; Gas for
interested Viewers; The Passing of Things Remembered;
Borderline Therapy; The Omni-Drug Revolution.

1993-01-04  List of 1993 Ig Nobel Prize Winners

The winners of the 1993 Ig Nobel Prizes were announced in a
ceremony held on October 7 at MIT. The Prizes honor
individuals whose achievements cannot or should not be

Eleven Ig Nobel Prizes were given this year. The winners
come from 16 different countries: Australia; Belgium;
Canada; England; France; Germany; Ireland; Israel;
Luxembourg; the Netherlands; New Zealand; the Philippines;
Poland; Spain; Switzerland; and the United States.

A number of dignitaries participated in the ceremony,
including: Nobel Laureates William Lipscomb (chemistry,
1976), Sheldon Glashow (physics, 1979), Jerome Friedman
(physics, 1990), Mel Schwartz, (physics, 1985) and Dudley
Herschbach (chemistry, 1986); Russell Johnson, professor
emeritus from Gilligan's Island; Alan Lightman, author of
"Einstein's Dreams;" jazz harpist Deborah Henson-Conant, MIT
economist Paul Krugman; "New England Journal of Medicine"
executive editor Marcia Angell; past president of the
American Bar association John J. Curtin; and Tufts
University Dental School's Philip Molloy, who has performed
more than 10,000 root canal procedures.

The new winners:

John Mack of Harvard Medical School and David Jacobs of
Temple University, mental visionaries, for their leaping
conclusion that people who believe they were kidnapped by
aliens from outer space, probably were -- and especially for
their conclusion that, in Professor Jacobs's words, "the
focus of the abduction is the production of children."
[Both Mack and Jacobs have written and spoken extensively on
the subject. A good introduction is the book "Secret Life,"
by David Jacobs with an introduction by John Mack, Simon and
Schuster, New York, 1992.]

Consumer Engineering
Ron Popeil, incessant inventor and perpetual pitchman of
late night television, for redefining the industrial
revolution with such devices as the Veg-O-Matic, the Pocket
Fisherman, the Cap Snaffler, Mr. Microphone, and the Inside-
the-Shell Egg Scrambler.

Paul Williams, Jr. of the Oregon State Health Division and
Kenneth W. Newell of the Liverpool School of Tropical
Medicine, bold biological detectives, for their pioneering
study, "Salmonella Excretion in Joy-Riding Pigs."  [The
study was published in "The American Journal of Public
Health," vol. 60, no. 5, May, 1970. Kenneth Newell died in
March, 1990.]

Ravi Batra of Southern Methodist University, shrewd
economist and best-selling author of "The Great Depression
of 1990" ($17.95) and "Surviving the Great Depression of
1990" ($18.95), for selling enough copies of his books to
single-handedly prevent worldwide economic collapse.

The Pepsi-Cola Company of the Phillipines, suppliers of
sugary hopes and dreams, for sponsoring a contest to create
a millionaire, and then announcing the wrong winning number,
thereby inciting and uniting 800,000 riotously expectant
winners, and bringing many warring factions together for the
first time in their nation's history.

Visionary Technology
Presented jointly to Jay Schiffman of Farmington Hills,
Michigan, crack inventor of AutoVision, an image projection
device that makes it possible to drive a car and watch
television at the same time, and to the Michigan state
legislature, for making it legal to do so.  [Michigan House
Bill 4530, Public Act #55 was signed into law by the
Governor on June 6, 1991.]

James Campbell and Gaines Campbell of Lookout Mountain,
Tennessee, dedicated deliverers of fragrance, for inventing
scent strips, the odious method by which perfume is applied
to magazine pages.  [Additional historical information about
the invention of scent strips can be obtained from the
Campbells' former colleague, Ronald Versic, President of the
Ronald P. Dodge Company in Dayton, OH.]

Awarded jointly to E. Topol, R. Califf, F. Van de Werf, P.
W. Armstrong, and their 972 co-authors, for publishing a
medical research paper which has one hundred times as many
authors as pages. [Source "An International Randomized Trial
Comparing Four Thrombolytic Strategies for Acute Myocardial
Infarction," "The New England Journal of Medicine," volume
329, number 10, September 2, 1993, pages 673-682.
The co-authors come from 15 different nations: Australia;
Belgium; Canada; England; France; Germany; Ireland; Israel;
Luxembourg; the Netherlands; New Zealand; Poland; Spain;
Switzerland; and the United States.]

Robert Faid of Greenville, South Carolina, farsighted and
faithful seer of statistics, for calculating the exact odds
(8,606,091,751,882:1) that Mikhail Gorbachev is the
Antichrist. [Faid's complete calculation is contained in the
book "Gorbachev! Has the Real Antichrist Come?" published by
Victory House, Tulsa, Oklahoma. The pertinent section of the
book was reprinted in the January, 1989 issue of Harper's

Louis Kervran of France, ardent admirer of alchemy, for his
conclusion that the calcium in chickens' eggshells is
created by a process of cold fusion. [For an English
language version of Kervran's research see the book
"Biological Transmutations, and their applications in
chemistry, physics, biology, ecology, medicine, nutrition,
agriculture, geology," by Louis Kervran, Swan House
Publishing Co., 1972.]

James F. Nolan, Thomas J. Stillwell, and John P. Sands, Jr.,
medical men of mercy, for their painstaking research report,
"Acute Management of the Zipper-Entrapped Penis."  [Nolan is
Associate in Urology at the Guthrie Clinic in Sayre, PA.
Stillwell is in private practice at North Urology, Ltd., in
Robbinsdale, MN. Sands is Chairman of the Department of
Urology, Naval Hospital, San Diego, CA. Their report was
published in "The Journal of Emergency Medicine," vol. 8,

1993-01-05  NAFTA Update

Until very recently, the North American Free Trade Agreement
(NAFTA) was the subject of fierce debate among economists.
The remarkable sudden arrival at concensus within the
profession was due largely to a concept articulated by Paul
Krugman. Krugman delivered his remarks on October 7 at the
Ig Noble Prize Ceremony, in the form of a Heisenberg
Certainty Lecture.

Heisenberg Certainty Lecture #4.
Paul Krugman, Professor of Economics, MIT.
"The MIT Economics Department has now solved the riddle of
world economic crisis. It turns out that if you add up last
year's reported imports and exports for all of the countries
in the world, world imports exceeded world exports by more
than one hundred billion dollars. You know what that means.
It means that we are running a huge global deficit in our
interplanetary trade. So Ross Perot has it wrong. That great
sucking sound isn't coming from Mexico -- it's coming from
outer space. Space aliens are stealing American jobs."

1993-01-06  JIR Recommends

Research reports that merit a trip to the library:

"Surgical Management of an Epidemic of Penile Amputations in
Siam," by Kasian Bhanganada, Tu Chayavatana, Chumporn
Pongnumkul, Anunt Tonmukayakul, Piyasakol Sakolsatayadorn,
Krit Komaratal, and Henry Wilde, "The American Journal of
Surgery," 1983, no. 146, pp. 376-382. The report reads in
part: "It became fashionable in the decade after 1970 for
the humiliated Thai wife to wait until her [philandering]
husband fell asleep so that she could quickly sever his
penis with a kitchen knife. A traditional Thai home is
elevated on pilings and the windows are open to allow for
ventilation. The area under the house is the home of the
family pigs, chickens, and ducks. Thus, it is quite usual
that an amputated penis is tossed out of an open window,
where it may be captured by a duck."

"Protein, cDNA, and Genomic DNA Sequences of the Towel Gourd
Trypsin Inhibitor, A Squash Family Inhibitor," "The Journal
of Biological Chemistry," vol. 268, no. 2, January 15, 1993,
pp. 810-814. (Thanks to Thomas Michel for bringing this to
our attention.)

"Establishment of Cattle-Human Relationships," by X. Boivin,
P. Le Neindre, and J. M. Chupin, "Applied Animal Behavior
Science," vol. 32, 1992, pp. 325-335. (Thanks to Earle
Spamer for bringing this to our attention.)

1993-01-07  Upcoming Events at the MIT Museum and Elsewhere

::::: "Crazy After Calculus" :::::
An ongoing exhibition of extraordinary humor at MIT from
prehistoric times through the present day.
   The MIT Museum
   265 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA  02139  USA
   (617) 253-4422   Internet address: ??????????????????

::::: Ig Nobel Prize ceremony on RADIO :::::
A recording of the 1993 Ig Nobel Prize ceremony is scheduled
to be broadcast on National Public Radio's "Talk of the
Nation Science Friday With Ira Flatow" on Friday afternoon,
November 26, the day after Thanksgiving.
   Internet address:  ?????????????????

::::: Irreproducible Public Reading/Performance :::::
On Wednesday, January 12, 1994, 7-9 pm., The Bookcellar Cafe
[1971 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA, (617) 864-9625]
is sponsoring a public reading/performance of classic JIR
research papers, including several papers that appear in the
new book "Sex As a Heap..."). JIR authors who wish to take
part should contact the editor (???????????) as soon as

::::: North American Irreproducible Research Tour :::::
The publisher of the new JIR book (see section 1993-01-08
below) will be sponsoring a JIR readings/research tour of
North American cities, universities, and medical centers.
The tour is being planned now, and is tentatively scheduled
to happen in February and/or March. If you would like to
help organize a session in your area, please contact:
Lisa Bernstein, Workman Publishing, 708 Broadway, New York,
NY 10013    voice:(212) 614-7505    FAX:(212) 254-8098

::::: 1994 Ig Nobel Prize ceremony :::::
The next ceremony will be held on or about Thursday, October
6, 1994 at MIT in Cambridge, Massachusetts.  You are
cordially invited to attend. The exact date will be
confirmed in a future issue of this newsletter.

1993-01-08  Calls for Papers and Nominations

CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "My Favorite Microbe."  Please
enclose photomicrographs.

CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "Alternatives to H2O."  Please
submit research results only, not speculative essays.

CALL FOR PAPERS analyzing the relationships between nations'
pollution levels and their (a) climate (especially average
seasonal temperatures) or (b) distance from the equator.
Please submit research results only, not speculative essays.

CALL FOR ESSAYS for JIR's "Worst Science Teacher
Competition." Essays must be 300 words or less, explaining
how and why, despite the competition, your nominee is the
world's worst science teacher. Please enclose any
photographs, diagrams, or other evidence that might bolster
your case. All entries become the property of JIR. The
winning essayist and the worst teacher will both be invited
to attend the 1994 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony at their own
expense. [A stilted note for incurably serious readers: the
underlying purpose of this competition is to publicize the
importance of GOOD science teachers!]

CALL FOR NOMINATIONS for the Ig Nobel Prize.  The Prize is
given for achievements that cannot or should not be

1993-01-09  How to Submit Articles to JIR (*)

Since 1955, The Journal of Irreproducible Results has been
the publication of record for overly stimulating research
and ideas. JIR publishes original articles, news of
particularly egregious scientific results, and short notices
of satiric and humorous intent. The editors look forward to
receiving your manuscripts, photographs, X-rays, drawings,
etc. Please do not send biological samples.

The entire manuscript should be typed double-spaced on
standard white bond paper, with generous margins all around,
and submitted with a photocopy.

Because of the volume of submissions, we are unable to
acknowledge receipt of manuscripts unless they are

Before you submit an article to The Journal of
Irreproducible Results, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE skim through
a recent issue to see the typical length and format of JIR
articles.  At the same time, please read the "Information
for Contributors" notice in any issue of JIR. Articles may
be submitted to:
   Marc Abrahams, editor
   The Journal of Irreproducible Results
   c/o Wisdom Simulators
   P.O. Box 380853
   Cambridge, MA  02238  USA
   Telephone number for editorial matters: (617) 491-4437

A list of arbitrary suggestions for authors can be obtained
the same address.

E-mail address for editorial questions:  ???????????

1993-01-10 How to Subscribe (*)

The Mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results is an electronic
publication, available over the Internet, free of charge. It
is distributed as a LISTSERV application.  We expect to
publish 6-12 issues per year.
To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to either one of
these addresses:
       ???????????????????????     or      ???????????????
The body of your message should contain ONLY the words
"SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR" followed by your name.
Here are two examples:
       SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Irene Curie Joliet
       SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Nicholas Lobachevsky

To stop subscribing, send an unsubscribe message to the same
address. Here are two examples:
       UNSUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Irene Curie Joliet
       UNSUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Nicholas Lobachevsky

If you have questions about how to subscribe, or if you
would like to redistribute mini-JIR from your site, please
send e-mail to:   ???????????????

Back issues of mini-JIR will be available via LISTSERV and
on various gophers. Details will be published in future

The Journal of Irreproducible Results is a print publication
published six times per year. JIR is written by scientists
from around the world, and read by subscribers in 41
   Rates for a year's subscription:
   U.S. ------------ individuals: $21 ---- libraries: $40
   Canada, Mexico -- individuals $27.50 -- libraries: $46
   Elsewhere ------- individuals $43 ----- libraries: $62
   Special group subscriptions please call for details.
To subscribe, send payment to:
   The Journal of Irreproducible Results
   c/o Wisdom Simulators, P.O. Box 380853
   Cambridge, MA  02238  USA            Fax: (617) 876-7022
   Telephone: (800) 759-6102 or (617) 876-7000

A new collection of outstanding JIR research has just been
published in book form:
   "Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and further
   improbabilities)," Marc Abrahams, editor,
   Workman Publishing, New York, 1993.
Previous collections are available in many libraries:
   A) "The Best of the Journal of Irreproducible Results,"
   George H. Scherr, editor, Workman Publishing,
   New York, 1983.
   B) "Journal der Unwiederholbaren Experimente," George H.
   Scherr, editor, Kruger Verlag, Frankfurt, 1986
   C) "Journal der Unwiederholbaren Experimente II," George
   H. Scherr, editor, Kruger Verlag, Frankfurt, 1989

1993-01-11  Copyright Notice (*)

Please forward this document to anyone who might be

The only limitations are:
A) You must copy this document IN ITS ENTIRETY, WITHOUT
MODIFICATIONS. You do NOT have permission to change the
contents or to make extracts.
B) You do NOT have permission to copy this document for
commercial purposes.

The contents of this document are copyright (c) 1993 by the
Journal of Irreproducible Results.

The Mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results ("mini-JIR")
     Editor: Marc Abrahams (???????????)
     Technical Brains: Marilyn Geller (???????????????)

If "pro" is the opposite of "con," what's the opposite of "progress"?

William H. Magill                         Manager, PennNet Computing Services
Data Communications and Computing Services (DCCS)  University of Pennsylvania
Internet: ?????????????????????                   ???????????????????????????
[ Oh, what the heck. I didn't think I'd keep it all in, but it's too
good not to... -S. ]

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From: Neil Flatter <???????????????????????????>
Subject: Re: Pipes Digest #119 - November 24, 1993

>Administrative notes: I've updated the Resource Guide to reflect
>suggestions and reports from the last few months of the Digest. If
>you'd like an updated copy, please mail me.

Would you mind sending me a copy of the Resource Guide, please?

While on vacation over the last week, I bought a seventy cent cigar;
a manduro Arthur Fuente.  It was one of the best I've tried.  It was
mellow with a pleasant aroma.  Even my wife didn't complain as much.
It burned evenly all the way down.  I've been smoking what I thought
were inexpensive Dominican cigars from the local chain store.  This
was cheaper; but a much, much more enjoyable smoke.  The Dominicans
tend to burn faster on one side than the other and get so bitey near
the end that I frequently let them go out and finish them after my
taste buds have recovered.  If you haven't tried one yet, it's worth
the effort!
  Neil Flatter                 Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology
  Chemistry - Math (CMA)       Department of Chemistry
  Novell Supervisor            Chemistry Stockroom Manager
  ???????????????????????????      (812) 877 - 8316

[ Guide sent. And I agree on the Fuentes. -S. ]

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From: ???????????????????????? (James Dollar)

Bulk tobacco source

I recently found one I am quite fond of named "341". This is not a private
label, rather a order number from the manufacture. It comes in bulk 5 pound
bags, and is quite good. It is a balanced English blend, with a very small 
amount of virginia. This makes it burn very cool. 

341 was available from a PCI, but they have dropped it. I would like to find
a source for the blend and stock up before taxs hit the roof. 

Mr Levin, of Levin pipes guesses it's put out by World Tobac. I have no idea
how to find out for sure, or how to find World Tobac.

Thanks all.

[ If you've still got a sample, give these people a call:

	Cornell & Diehl, Inc.
	P.O. Box 398
	Doylestown, PA 18901-0398
	(215) 345-0875

They offer to duplicate blends from samples. BTW, does anyone know
where I can get my hands on a sample of L.L. Bean's Pipe Tobacco? -S. ] 

~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U

From: Andrew Lewis Tepper <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Dave's cigar?

Excerpts from mail: 2-Dec-93 Re: Dave's cigar? by Chris ?????????????? 
> I was looking for some information about cigar smoking and was hoping you
> may be able to help me out. Is there a FAQ that I just haven't found? I am
> curious about the correct way to light, cut, and smoke a cigar and which
> brands are considered to be the best in certain price catagories. Thanks
> for the help.
> Chris Cooper
> University of Oregon

  You _definitely_ should subscribe to the pipes mailing list. (I CC'ed
this letter to Steve, the moderator of the list.) Don't be fooled by the
name; there are just as many cigar lovers as pipe enthusiasts
participating. As for forming a tobacco newsgroup... that has sort of a
checkered past: A couple years ago, Steve tried (unsuccessfully) to
start one. Two months ago, Steve, Colin Crist, and I attempted to form a
moderated rec.tobacco. Again it failed, this time due to a huge number
of "no" votes from the anti-smoking crowd. If you've been reading
alt.smoking you can see that they're pretty rabid in their attacks. The
good news is that all the publicity has caused Steve's list to
dramaticaly increase it's distribution.
  As for cigars to try: go to a good tobacconist and tell him you're
just learning about cigars. Select 2 or 3 cigars in the $2-$5 range. Be
sure to get one Dominican Republic cigar with a light colored wrapper,
and one Honduras cigar with a dark brown wrapper. (I'd recommend a Hoyo
de Monterray Excalibur #1, #2, or Banquet for the later...a personal
favorite). Dominican Republic cigars tend to be a lighter style.
Honduras are more full bodied. If you find you like the full bodied
variety then the ultimate treasure is a Cuban cigar. They're illegal to
bring into the US, but not impossible to find. It's best to know what
you like before spending $15-$35 (or more) on a single cigar. Have fun!


[ Thanks for the good word, Andy! Perhaps we could expand this into a
"how-to" guide for the novice cigar smoker? _S. ]

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From: Steve Masticola (????????????????????????)
Subject: Buttons, buttons, who's got the buttons?

Hi, all,

For some time, I've been meaning to tell you all about Nancy
Lebovitz's calligraphic button catalog. If you've been to computer
shows or science-fiction conventions in the general Middle Atlantic
area, you may have noticed her tables, laden with all kinds of
hand-drawn slogans, and thronged by the largest crowds at the show.
There are _thousands_ of them, in all colors (buttons, not the crowd
:-) and nicely done, too! To get her catalog, write her at:

	Nancy Lebovitz
	400 Wollaston Ave, C6
	Newark DE  19711

	Email: ?????????????????????????

The email catalog has three advantages: it's machine-searchable,
it's suitable for a cookie file, and it's free. :-)

So why am I plugging her buttons? Because there are a few of
special interest to fine-tobacco aficionados, some of which I'll
reproduce here:

     I've read so much about the dangers of sex, smoking, and drinking
     that I've given up reading   (I'VE:dangers/reading)

     Thank you for not lecturing me about smoking   (THA:not lecturing)

     Mobile Smoking area   (MOB:smoking)

     There is no heaven or hell--only smoking or non-smoking

In fairness, there are about as many non-smoking buttons, and a
_lot_ of others. Some good ones at random:

     Think "HONK" if you're a telepath   (THI:think honk)

     Avoid cliches like the plague--they're a dime a dozen   (AVO:$0.10)

     Campus Crusade for Cthulhu--It found me   (CAM:campus crusade)

     Hail to the Sun God! He is the Fun God! Ra! Ra! Ra! (HAI:ra!)

     Migratory lifeform with a tropism for bookstores   

     Invertebrate Punster--Spinelessly unable to resist a pun--So slug me!
     (INV:invertebrate punster) 

     Back off, man--I'm a scientist   (BAC:Back off/scientist)

     Hail to the Sun God! He is the Fun God! Ra! Ra! Ra!   (HAI:ra!)

     Student of the Harry Tuttle school of Revolutionary Plumbing

     Seppuku button(tm)--to use, fold back pin   (SEP:seppuku)

And, especially for Bill Thacker,

     Humpty Dumpty was pushed   (HUM:dumpty)

And she also does custom ones. I noticed, though, that her stock
has a Serious Shortcoming - no pipe or cigar buttons. Would anyone
be interested in inventing a slogan or two, and getting a custom
button made? Let's talk!

Until Digest #122, then,

					Smoke in peace,

					~\U Steve.

 U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ | ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U
 )				       *   *				  )
( Pipe smokers will rule the world!      *   ??????????????????????	 (
 ) (if they don't run out of matches...) *   Steve Masticola, moderator	  )
(				       *   *				 (
 U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ U/~ | ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U ~\U

Article Index

  1. Subject: Pipes Digest #121 - December 3, 1993
  2. Subject: Miscellany
  3. Subject: US import of Cuban cigars
  4. Subject: membership
  5. Subject: Re: Pipes Digest #119 - November 24, 1993
  6. Subject: A great Thanksgiving
  7. Subject: Philosophy of a Cigar Connaisseur
  8. Subject: Pipes, Tobacco and AD&D2nd
  9. Subject: And now for something completely different !
  10. Subject: Re: Pipes Digest #119 - November 24, 1993
  11. Subject: Re: Dave's cigar?
  12. Subject: Buttons, buttons, who's got the buttons?
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